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PCMS presents comedy

If your child gets an enrollment brochure from a place called "Kokonut High," get rid of it as fast as you can!

The kid will be learning history from a guy who thinks he's a 300-year-old pirate, and will get nothing to eat but macaroni and cheese, with warm lemonade to drink.

The funny thing is, the kid will enjoy every hilarious minute of it.

The Pittsburg Community Middle School Amateur Theatrical Society will present the saga of "Kokonut High" at 7 p.m. today in Pittsburg Memorial Auditorium. Admission is a $1 donation at the door.

The comedy, by Tim Kelly, is set on Kokonut Island. Centuries ago, the island was given by the British Crown to the Hawkins family and it is now owned by Cordelia Hawkins, played by Jessica Wade. Hawkins runs a resort, assisted by her daughter Betty, played by Gabrielle Murnan, and her son Earl, played by Thomas Catron.

However, the island has just been hit by a hurricane, the beach is covered in debris, and the ice machine is broken - which is why the lemonade is warm. The few guests at the resort - two disgruntled nurses played by Catherine Geiger and Hannah Wolgamott - are demanding a refund or they'll sue.

Then an insurance agent played by Samantha Budd shows up and informs poor Hawkins that her policy doesn't cover hurricanes. In fact, in the extra fine print on the policy, it turns out that Hawkins has to pay the insurance company for the hurricane damage.

The situation is desperate when Tom Scrimshaw, boat pilot of the Island Grasshopper, played by Logan Johnson, comes up with a scheme. Why not open a private high school on the island?

Of course, they don't have any teachers, but once tuition money starts rolling in, Hawkins can hire some. That's the plan, anyway, but nothing is ever that simple. For instance, a crime syndicate wants to buy the island and turn it into a high-priced hideout for crooks on the lam. Syndicate representatives are Doris Hoyt, played by Alison Percy, and Chic Sutherland, well-played by Jacob Grotheer.

Hawkins refuses to sell, so the two crooks plant a couple of phonies in with the dozen or so real students who come to Kokonut High. Played by Zach Coulter and Kassidy Rethorst, they try to wreck the school by forging letters to the mothers of the students, saying how bad things are.

The real students are played by Jacob Fleck, Zachary Baden, Joanna Liu, Courtney Jarvis, Emma Bailey, Hannah Hashman, Taylor Brumbaugh and Megan Peters. They actually love the school, because there are no teachers and no classes, so they spent all their time scuba diving, jet skiing and so on.

But that poses a problem when a school accreditation team composed of Ashley Willis and Ayla Pierce shows up and demands to meet the Kokonut High faculty. Three of the boys try to impersonate teachers, but they are quickly exposed.

And irate mothers played by Emily Folk, Mercedes McGuire and Erica Springer show up to take their daughters home from school.

The frosting on the cake is provided by James Collver and Brette Minton, a pair of amusingly half-witted would-be con artists who try to claim Kokonut Island as their own. Trouble is, as their proof they use a map they got at Disney World, so their plot is easily foiled.

The crime syndicate poses more of a problem, but a book detailing the syndicate's plans for the island falls into the hands of student Joanna Liu.

Coast Guard officers Samuel Wolgamott and Jessica Ewing finally show up to march the bad guys off to justice - but that still leaves the problem of where Hawkins is going to find the money to pay off her debts and save the island.

There's a happy ending from an unlikely source. Remember the guy who thinks he's a 300-year-old pirate? Played by Sylvia Schultze, the character starts hallucinating that he's seeing the ghost of Captain Kidd. Maybe he is, because we see the ghost, too, memorably portrayed by Jeana Owens.

The cast also includes Temperance McNeeley as Maw Cawawkee, the resort cook/school dietitian, who can't seem to fix anything but macaroni and cheese, Alex McNay as her lazy son Roy Boy, and Mackenzie Willis as her daughter Suky. Molly Stephens and Parker Fields are excellent as a pair of newlyweds take a stroll and are hopelessly lost until the end of the show.

The play is under the direction of Joella Reid, with Katherine Carrell as assistant director, Lin Little in charge of light design and Lisa Quinteros doing costumes. Jason Huffman and Dan Williams designed the set, with Huffman also designing sound.

Kristina Willis and Kurstin Von Feldt were in charge of props. Doing makeup were Jessena Schultze, Kaylie Bernhardt, Emma Gordon, Ashley Jarvis and Mandy Folk.

Running crew is composed of Jessica Denton , Colton Jump and Chase Richardson. Set was constructed by Dan Williams, Denise Williams, Katherine Carrell, Chris Carrell, Kristina Willis, KUrstin VonFeldt, Mackenzie Willis, Kendra Prince, Jacob Fleck, Mike Hula, Temperance McNeeley, Zach Coulter and Joella Reid.

The director said that she was very pleased with the work done by her students.

"I am very proud of each one of them, and their commitment to this activity," Reid said. "They have worked so hard, and they are worthy of an audience that is worthy of them."

The Morning Sun, (www.morningsun.net) February 23, 2006